Our Trip Out To Hell

Have you ever had a week or two when everyday something breaks or bad happens and costs you money, nothing it seems goes right and you feel like buying a fifth of whiskey and just getting snookered, well that's been me lately.
 My dang truck had a little problem and we were heading out to the ranch in a couple of days, so I thought I would fix it, but with these new fangled trucks when you open the hood an look in you just slam it shut and wonder who in the hell came up with the idea of putting all this stuff in there that you have no idea what it is and you can't figure the problem out without a computer. The days of fixing it on your own is just about over I'm afraid.  Any way, my truck at times would just set there and crank like it was getting no fire, then messing with the key and waiting a few minutes it would start , well I figure I can fix this it can't be to bad with the good old computer here at the house I start searching for my problem on the Internet, you know I think people just post stuff on them forums just so they look important and not know what the hell they are talking about. I found anywhere from my fuel pump going bad all the way to my truck computer is bad, I set and think if I start pulling and replacing all these parts people are saying is causing this problem and it still don't fix it ,I'm out a lot of money here.
 I know some of you are saying just take the damn truck to a shop and have it fixed and quit whining about it. Well one time we had planned a trip about 6 years ago out to the ranch , we had a van that the check engine light came on just before we were fixing to head out and I took to one of these shops that had all kinds of  papers on the wall saying they were certified on this and that and Aunt Maudies little niece's letter thanking them for fixing her aunts car , well it looked impressive so I tell them to fix it. Well they weren't certified for my problem. They called me the next day and said it was some damn electrical part and I said fix it , the next day they called and said that wasn't the problem but they think it might be this other part so I says fix it. To make a long story short and my blood pressure down, a week later which my vacation was over now, they call and tell me its ready. I go in there and was handed a bill for a little over $1000.00. They charged me for every part they pulled and replaced until they found the problem, they said the code that came up, just points in the direction of the problem not what the problem is.  I almost spent the night in jail and am not welcomed back at that place, not that I had any plans of going back there any way.
 So I'm not to fond of taking my truck to a shop, but after reading on the Internet all this crap, I say to heck with it, I'll take in to the ford dealer and let them run their test on it and tell me what they think and maybe find out the problem and fix it myself, WRONG. You see my truck key has a damn chip in it for the anti theft system. They get in my truck and try starting it and it just cranks, he gets out and tells me the little light that says anti theft is blinking when its cranking, which means the anti theft system thinks someone is trying to steal my truck . My own damn truck thinks I'm trying to steal it, now ain't that something. So he says it could be the computer, which he does not think it is, the chip in the key could be bad, or it could be the OCM module that is part of the anti theft system and it would cost a $100.00 to run tests on it to see what it is. I tell him to run the dang test, an hour later he tells me its good news, its the OCM module and it costs $15.00 but they have to reprogram the computer after they install it and that costs another $65.00.
I asked him after it was fixed if I had to call the police and turn myself in for trying to steal my own truck, he said the computer just wouldn't let the truck start, that it didn't e-mail the police my finger prints and tell them I was stealing my own truck.  So $180.00 later my truck doesn't think I'm a thief any more. YE HA

Well, we head out to the ranch. I pull into my drive out there and wonder what the heck that is upside down in my drive up there, the closer I get the more ON NO'S is coming out of my month. My damn rack of solar panels are upside down in my drive and broke all to hell, where's that damn whiskey. Well I get out and move them out of the way and go inside the house to check and see how much power my batteries had left in them, not a damn bit, hell you could had put your tongue across them, if it was long enough and not felt a dang thing, deader than hell. I'm thinking if any more things goes wrong I might have to buy a ski mask and go to the bank and ask for a loan to help pay for all of this mess. This ain't looking like a fun trip. I break out the generator and crank it up to charge my batteries back up, I run that damn generator for 8 hours, cut it off , go check my batteries to see how much charge they have now,  NOT A DAMN BIT,  deader than hell, so I get my Big Chief tablet out and start writing what all I need to order and how much this is gonna cost when I get back home and start to wonder, do people really watch America's Most Wanted all that much any more?
 Well we wind up running that dang generator dang near 24 hours a day and people say hell you can stay in a Motel for what its costing in gas for that dang generator, I tell them it ain't the same I want to stay at my own place. Well later I wish I had stayed in that Motel. The first few nights wasn't bad but come Saturday hell was a coming, we took off on the 4-wheelers up to Christmas Mountain's, about a 70 mile round trip we did that day playing around. I got home covered from head to toe in dirt, Carol was even laughing at me I was so dirty but I had fun. You see there was 8 4-wheelers in our group and I was next to the last in line, so I ate dust most of the time. I hop in the shower and get about 4 acres of dirt off and get ready to go to the cafe to meet everyone for some supper. Well I look out the window to the west & see rain clouds forming and tell Carol it looks like it might rain and we should cut the generator off and cover it up before we leave. We cover it up and head out to the cafe. Rain starts to fall after about 10 minutes and then stops when we get to the cafe. We are ready to leave and it starts raining again, I tell Carol this ain't gonna be fun when we get back to the place setting in the dark doing nothing, I get bored real easy and setting in the dark with nothing to do is real boring.
 We get home and I'm sitting there tired as hell, hot, bored stiff, when I look out to the west and see clear sky. I tell Carol its clearing up and I'm going to uncover the generator and start it up. I crank it up turn on the ac and hit the bed I can't keep my eyes opened now I'm so tired. I don't know how long it was but it couldn't have been long my eyes pop open , is that rain I hear on the roof? I jump up run outside and shut the generator off and cover it back up, go back in the house and open the windows back up where rain won't come in and in the bed again.
Let me stop here for a minute and say when I bought this place I was clearing brush from around the place and thought it would be nice to see if I could get some deer coming around the place, so I put some corn out. The next day here was this Javelina laying in the corn just watching me, I thought now ain't that cute, If I had known that the horny little bastard in the next few years would bring all his kids, wives, and kinfolk to that feeder I'd run his little ass off right at the start.
 Alright back to my sleep, I opened them windows and hit the bed, my eyes where shut before my head hit the pillow I no sooner got to sleep when, what the hell is all that noise? It seems that Porkey, that's what I named that cute little Javelina, had brought all his kinfolks to the feeder, I don't know if they had been out drinking or what but they fought all damn night long, couldn't sleep. I laid there thinking that the gun is right over there and I could kill a few before they all run off but would come back again after I went to sleep so I just slept the best I could in between the fights.
I get up the next morning tired as hell and tell Carol I'm ready to go home I had all the fun I could handle. We pack up and head for home, I stop in Alpine to fill up with gas. My dang truck has one of them landau covers on the bed. It has a remote to open it with, I pop it open and get my gas can out figuring I'd fill it up so I would have some gas for my mower when I got back home, I laid my remote for the landau cover on the rail of the bed thinking it won't be there 30 seconds while I put the gas can in the back, how can I forget it in that short of time, you know what, I forgot it and shut the cover down on it, I thought ok you S.O.B. landau cover you think you got me now with no way of opening you to get my remote back out, but I have a spare one in the truck just in case some dumb ass locks his remote up back there. I get my spare remote out and points it at that damn landau cover like John Wayne points his gun at a bad guy, and says take this you S.O.B. and hit the button, nothing happens I'm thinking what the hell now, I hit the remote again and see a flashing light on it. I'm thinking well ain't this a fine howdy do my damn battery is bad in this remote. We go to stores hunting a battery for the remote, find one, put it in and point it at that dang landau cover and push the button, nothing not a damn click nothing. Did you know that when you slam a landau cover down with a remote on the bed rail that it pushes the button down and holds it down on the remote and the signal it sends out blocks out any attempt to use another remote to open it with and also jams your truck remote that unlocks your truck.  I DO.  I have one of them key pads on the door to unlock it with so we head for home with that dang remote stuck in the bed of my truck. It's on my mind the whole time wondering how in the hell am I going to get it out, after about of 400 miles of thinking I stop to get more gas. Just for grins while I'm waiting I grab my spare remote and push as hard on that landau on the side where that remote is  and push the button on my spare remote, I here a clicking noise its working but with me pushing up so hard it won't unlock itself, I yell at Carol to get this remote and go to the back of the truck and while I'm pushing up on the side for her to push down a little on the back of the cover while hitting the remote, the dang thing opens. I get my remote out and head for home a happy feller.
Since your reading this, you know I made it home without any more mishaps, I haven't done anything since I got here, I'm afraid to touch anything at the moment so I just set and type every now and then.
Y'all have a good day now

The Christmas Mountain Ride